mykidisthebest

( he's keeping his gaze on the button mushrooms he's scrubbing with a little brush. )

... sure. Something you need?

[sets aside his washed vegetables and starts making some coffee instead of doing any more food prep, just to give himself easy to do while he speaks]

I wanted to talk. Since it seems like you're mad at me. --It's fine if you are. But. Can we talk about it?

... there's nothing really to talk about. We have to get Charon back, keep Ananke informed, and prepare for a journey into the forest and mist.

( he doesn't deny being angry though. )

That leaves plenty to talk about. I'd rather not pretend it's fine if you're upset.

( there's a flash of annoyance, seen in the way his wings flex. )

I'm trying to be civil. What does it matter if I'm upset or not?

Don't be civil! Be mad at me. We live together. Are you just going to be civil for the rest of your life? There's no reason to walk on eggshells in your own home. It's fine to fight.

You want mad?

Fine.

I worked so hard to gather all the information I could to talk to Rose. I spoke to everyone in Lily to see their viewpoints and what they wished for. I constantly held myself back from ill-advised rash choices that would've ended in hurting Rose! I knew we couldn't risk making ourselves look irrational if we wanted Rose to believe us and meet us civilly!

Don't talk to me about "being civil the rest of my life"—I don't have a choice! I'm a king, I don't have the luxury of making rash decisions or snap judgments! But you can, and when you did, I saw Lily's credibility—something all of us have worked for but something I've been very conscientious of, something I've been working so tirelessly to foster between all the other teams—take a significant hit!

And right after... right after...

( his shoulders and wings sag, eyes misting over. )

Right after I worked so hard... after Charon was there to support me... I thought maybe I could finally find something I could help Lily with.

[takes half a step towards him before he stops, maintaining the distance between them]

You're always helping, Perci. You preserve a ton of food for us. You check in on how we're doing. You make sure no one's struggling alone. That's not nothing.

And I...don't think Lily's credibility has taken a hit. Just mine.

Anyone can do that.

( quiet, staring at his hands and how dirty they are. )

Charon is an incredible strategist. Aides's mind has an amazing capacity for working with machination. Styx has impeccable aim and incredible strength. Chronos is highly vigilant and capable as a mercenary and warrior. And you have an unmistakable charm and a slew of powerful abilities.

I'm just... a gardener. Something I've been teaching... nothing special.

( brushes a new mushroom half-heartedly. )

But mediation... that's something not everyone can do. I thought... maybe...

( he sighs and shrugs, in the end. there's something about him that seems exhausted and resigned. )

Anyway. That's unimportant. I saw the way people reacted. I know the sort of side-eye people give at times like this. "Charon was keeping so much together"... is what I'm sure they think.

You have incredible magic, a brilliant mind, and the capability to bring people together. And you did a great job working things out with Rose. I left it to you because I knew I could trust you with it if you took the lead. I left it to you because I knew I'd mess it up and you wouldn't. Don't give me some bullshit about how you're "just" a gardener when you know that no one here thinks that way.

[takes a shaky breath]

And in my experience...people will just look at me like I've lost my shit. Even if we're all sorted into barns, we're still individual people. If someone here doesn't get that, I'm more than happy to clear the air.

( his wings fluff up further, eyes tearing up. )

Are my feelings worthy or bullshit?! You say "what you feel is important" and then you say "don't give me bullshit about how you feel"!

Gods, pick one! Pick one so I know what you want!

[he moves a few feet closer without quite meaning to, torn between wanting to give him space and wanting to ease some of that distress.]

It's both! I want you to tell me what you're feeling, but I don't want you to put yourself down. If I don't tell you that I disagree then you're just going to keep thinking like that, aren't you?!

( perci lets out a hiss as his wings slightly lift; the hiss isn't anywhere near human. it sounds more like a swan's hiss. )

If you don't agree say "I don't agree", don't say "your feelings are bullshit"!

I don't feel like I'm as important to Lily as I am! That's not going to go away by you telling me it's dumb to think that way! Gods know I don't need you to make me feel stupid, I already know! And don't - don't give me that half-hearted praise, because I don't believe it anymore!

I'm supposed to believe that call of yours was emotional? Your voice didn't waver once... you seemed perfectly fine. I couldn't read you at all... were you just making fun of me all this time?

[he means to address everything Perci says, but then the last bit throws him so much that he can only stare dumbly, at a loss]

I--half-hearted praise? Making fun of you? Back up, what are you talking about?

Your call!

You said to my face 'oh, you're working so hard' and then you made that mass call to everyone saying "murder your sheep please, thank you" after I finished negotiating with Rose!

( he crosses his arms over himself, hugging himself tightly. )

Were you just laughing at me?

[he looks kind of like someone just dunked him in a bath full of ice water, bewildered and alarmed]

What? No! I wasn't thinking about that. I wasn't thinking about anything when I made that call. The talks with Rose are a completely separate thing. Why would you think I was laughing at you? I know how hard you were working to come to a peaceful compromise.

You weren't thinking about anything when you made that call.

( perci echoes, annoyance creeping into his voice. )

Of course. You sounded so carefree, not calm and collected at all.

[bristles]

I didn't sound upset enough for you, so everything I've ever told you before this is suddenly a lie?

You didn't sound upset at all! I know how to read expressions. If you were difficult to read that's one thing, but you seemed perfectly calm and rational then!

And when you hold such a "hey, don't hurt others" view and call for a mass slaughter both with a calm, rational affect... of course I'll be scared you never really meant anything!

Of course I sounded calm. That's--that's just what happens past a certain threshold. It's not an indication of what I'm feeling. Do you want me to be upset? Cry? Break down? I can't do that. It doesn't help anyone, and I've done that more than enough in my life already.

We know that Blossom has at least some of the information we need. We still know that. She could give us a crumb of it and it would be something for us to work with. But she chooses not to even when it costs her nothing and would mean everything for us. I'm allowed to be mad about that. It doesn't make the stupid things that I said less stupid, but--I'm still mad about that. Being pissed off at Blossom doesn't mean that I've been insincere to everyone else this whole time.

( perci opens his mouth. closes his mouth.

sighs.

puts a hand over his ear, closes his eyes briefly. )

( when he speaks, his voice is not his own. it's a near perfect mimicry of lethe's. )

Don't be civil! Be mad at me. We live together. Are you just going to be civil for the rest of your life? There's no reason to walk on eggshells in your own home.

( looks at lethe in the eye, as if saying "this you?" )

I'm upset and talking about my feelings right now, Perci! That doesn't apply to the rest of the pasture. We're supposed to be civil with everyone else, aren't we?

When you call for murder, it would be preferable if you weren't calm...!

What kind of "certain threshold" are you even talking about? This is news to me!

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