mykidisthebest

[ HARUMPH ]

Fine. You got a deal.

[holds out his hand to SHAKE ON IT]

Unrelated to our current topic, tell me when your birthday is.

[ SHAKES ON IT!!!! Deliberately holds his hand too tight. Stay winning. ]

July 21.

[ He says it with the exact same tone and expression as when he's just making shit up ]

[ow hey that is one of my only hands!!! he tries to squeeze back harder to annoy Minuet but he's just got normal people strength]

Tell me the truth and I promise we'll celebrate on a different day. I already know you don't want to celebrate on the actual day.

[ He already knows what

Fuck, that's really thoughtful actually!!!!! This isn't allowed!!!!! HE WANTS TO BE MAD ABOUT IT BUT SOMEHOW HE ISN'T.

Deflates a little. ]

July 21.

[oh that was actually his real birthday in the first place]

[reaches for his cheek to tug on it]

Don't make it sound like a lie if it's the truth.

HEY--! Quit it, I'm delicate! You're the one who made assumptions!

[ Does not actually do anything to stop this noodle man though ]

[he only does it long enough to vent his frustrations and then lets go, so there's that]

I made assumptions because of how you said it! You did something nice for me, so let me return the favor. Accept it gracefully.

[ thanks his cheek is red and stupid now ]

... Fine. But I didn't do this as a 'favor.' You don't need to return anything.

[just as planned]

I know. But if I just say I want to do something nice because that's what friends do, you'll be weird about it.

That's not--

[ Grimaces a little ]

It's not about friendship or anything like that.

Then what is it about?

[ Thinks

Thinks some more ]

You'll just get mad.

I'll be madder if you don't tell me.

Only if you swear not to hit me.

[looks around the kitchen]

...I promise not to hit you, lay a hand on you, or throw anything at you.

[covered ALL his bases]

[ that's not all of them but it IS many

Sighs ]

. . . Birthdays are about celebrating the auspicious occasion of someone coming into the world, right?

But me and Knives... we weren't really even supposed to be born, and our birth meant doom for several million people. Is that still something to celebrate, even if it isn't the correct date? It feels like dancing on the graves of everyone who lost their life.

[...crosses his arms]

You thought I'd get mad if you said that, so you already know it's wrong. Do you really believe that, or do you just think you're supposed to believe it?

I do believe it.

But whenever I'm honest, the reactions tend to be similar.

[ Why do you think he lies so much

Why do YOU lie so much!!!!!!!! ]

Because it's insulting to hear.

[inhales. exhales, letting the breath out long and slow, clearly trying to keep his temper down]

I don't usually celebrate my birthday. That's why it means a lot to me that--anyone would celebrate it. You weren't asking yourself if my birthday was worth celebrating, were you? You don't know if I was supposed to be born, or if my birth meant doom for several million people. I'm not trying to compare circumstances. Just...being miserable or denying yourself something nice isn't going to bring those people back to life. Shouldn't you experience everything that life has to offer in their stead?

. . . I've been trying to figure out the answer to that for a hundred and fifty years.

I still don't really know, because I don't know who decides "should."

I decide. There, I've solved it for you.

[ help ]

... Does it work like that?

Why not? I'm a perfectly average human. Just like those millions of people who died. If you can't decide for yourself, then why shouldn't it be me instead?

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