mykidisthebest

[just as planned]

I know. But if I just say I want to do something nice because that's what friends do, you'll be weird about it.

That's not--

[ Grimaces a little ]

It's not about friendship or anything like that.

Then what is it about?

[ Thinks

Thinks some more ]

You'll just get mad.

I'll be madder if you don't tell me.

Only if you swear not to hit me.

[looks around the kitchen]

...I promise not to hit you, lay a hand on you, or throw anything at you.

[covered ALL his bases]

[ that's not all of them but it IS many

Sighs ]

. . . Birthdays are about celebrating the auspicious occasion of someone coming into the world, right?

But me and Knives... we weren't really even supposed to be born, and our birth meant doom for several million people. Is that still something to celebrate, even if it isn't the correct date? It feels like dancing on the graves of everyone who lost their life.

[...crosses his arms]

You thought I'd get mad if you said that, so you already know it's wrong. Do you really believe that, or do you just think you're supposed to believe it?

I do believe it.

But whenever I'm honest, the reactions tend to be similar.

[ Why do you think he lies so much

Why do YOU lie so much!!!!!!!! ]

Because it's insulting to hear.

[inhales. exhales, letting the breath out long and slow, clearly trying to keep his temper down]

I don't usually celebrate my birthday. That's why it means a lot to me that--anyone would celebrate it. You weren't asking yourself if my birthday was worth celebrating, were you? You don't know if I was supposed to be born, or if my birth meant doom for several million people. I'm not trying to compare circumstances. Just...being miserable or denying yourself something nice isn't going to bring those people back to life. Shouldn't you experience everything that life has to offer in their stead?

. . . I've been trying to figure out the answer to that for a hundred and fifty years.

I still don't really know, because I don't know who decides "should."

I decide. There, I've solved it for you.

[ help ]

... Does it work like that?

Why not? I'm a perfectly average human. Just like those millions of people who died. If you can't decide for yourself, then why shouldn't it be me instead?

You need to pick better hills to die on.

[ Ruefully.

But, he relents: ]

. . . Alright. You're the boss.

I wouldn't say it if I didn't think I was right. But I don't know if you'd accept my reasoning, so you just have to trust me.

[ Sincerely: ]

I can try.

[reaches over to pat his head. it's not a noogie or trying to flatten his hair or anything like that. just a head pat]

That's good enough for now.

And, for your information, birthdays aren't just about celebrating someone coming into the world. It's a time to tell your loved ones that you're happy they're alive to spend another year with you.

No objections there. Though we should probably do that more than once a year.

We do it more than once a year. But birthdays are mandated days for that.

Alright. Just promise not to use the right amount of candles.

A hundred and fifty one candles wouldn't even fit on a cake. I've already thought of this, don't worry. We'll do three candles shaped like numbers. That's the only way you can manage it when people are in the hundreds or thousands.

You've already thought of this . . .

[ LETHE ]

Of course. I have an elder who is a few thousand years old. It would be embarrassing beyond words if we couldn't figure out how to put candles on a cake for him when the time comes, so I've had to take care to plan ahead. Yours is easy.

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